A Woman’s Place is in Foreign Policy: My Experiences as an Aspiring Diplomat

Author: Lilla Bartuszek

Lilla is a Hungarian lawyer and an aspiring diplomat. Her fields of interest are public international law and European law, international relations and diplomacy. Lilla’s biggest aim is to work for EU and UN institutions one day, and in the meantime she’s proud to be part of several youth-led initiatives and organisations since she honestly believe that by showing examples we can motivate our generation in great lengths.

As a woman, entering the mysterious world of foreign policy for the first time has its challenges, some which we expect, others which we do not. My aim with this piece is to share my experience with you, my downfalls, but also my ‘aha’ moments and belief that our voices do matter. I hope this piece will offer you encouragement and advice, whilst adding to the important conversations around women entering foreign policy.

Spring 2018

During Spring of 2018, I had the opportunity to be a part of Message to the Europeans 3.0. This was one of those pivotal moments that created who I am, I call it my “aha” moment...

In April 2018, I was a Student Leader at  ‘Message to Europeans 3.0.’ -- a project designed to connect youth with the European Union by giving them a voice. During our third meeting, the day was proceeding as usual, with us sitting around a big table exchanging ideas and sharing best practices, namely to bring the EU closer to its citizens, especially that of university students and individuals looking to start their careers. After a whole day of preparing our draft resolutions for future presenting at the European Parliament, the realisation hit me: my voice mattered today. We might not change the world with what we did today, but our voices were heard, we were listened to.

That was the first time I felt how rewarding it was to be someone who has the opportunity to stand up for what they believe in. And that was just the beginning. After that I kept on gathering knowledge, attending events and applying to courses that I thought could bring me closer and closer to my dream of working in foreign policy. I wanted to become someone who would be at the forefront when it comes to fighting for important issues,  to be somebody who stands up for what she thinks can change the world for the better. I believed that once you realise you are on the right path, it is difficult to be diverted from it, or so I thought.

Summer 2018

Often people have said I am stubborn, however, I see myself as being determined.

But then something happened which made me realise the true nature of foreign policy and diplomacy. It happened during an embassy visit while I was attending a summer school. I had high hopes for receiving supportive encouragement during the visit. I was about to meet high-ranking officials so I was excited at the prospect of gaining some mentoring --  I could not have been more wrong. After having an extensive chat about the advantages and disadvantages of becoming a diplomat, I received a comment that will stay with me forever. I was told by a high-ranking diplomat (at the top of the career ladder) not to pursue my goals as “they will be ruined as soon as” I start a family. It wasn’t really about what he said -- disappointingly I had heard this several times before. It was rather how he said these things, which made me feel embarrassed for even asking about diplomacy and incredibly disheartened towards aspiring to be a diplomat.

Although disappointed, I wasn’t defeated. This could have knocked me completely, I’m sure it would have if I hadn't had such a positive experience within the EU a few months before. Instead, I asked, why can’t we have both? Can’t we be successful diplomats travelling around the world while having a secure background, a supportive (and happy) family of our choice? Is it really so hard to imagine that to be a reality in the 21st century?

Winter, 2018 

2018 was a hectic year. I took part in several initiatives, juggled my personal and professional life, all whilst remaining a law student. But I realised I was on the right path. 

In December 2018, I got into a diplomacy school in Warsaw whilst still being a full-time law student in Budapest. I knew it would require even more travel and a tight schedule but I was so convinced it was the perfect fit for me that I didn’t care. I remember my first evening in Warsaw, I was enjoying the magnificent view with a glass of wine in my hand (despite the 4 exams in the upcoming week I had to prepare for) when I decided that I would follow this journey wherever it will lead me, despite all the difficulties that come along the way or what others believed. That was the turning point for me. Ever since I made that decision, my life became more balanced than ever before. I was not only confident in my chosen path professionally but I also had the chance to understand the value and the strength a supportive personal environment can add to a stable life.

Right now, I am surrounded by people I trust, people I am happy to learn from both professionally and personally. I am happy to have a supportive environment that is inevitable to have in order to carry on with the aims and goals I have set sights on..

On a bigger scale

The common theme between all the programmes and initiatives that I have been a part of has been the importance of discussions. Discussions carry the biggest power to make change and feed public opinion, through sharing my journey, the ups and the downs, I hope to contribute to important discussions around being a woman in foreign policy.

People, but especially young women at the beginning of their professional journey, lack the support they need to dream big. Why should we be scared of having a successful career and a happy family at the same time? We all understand it won’t be easy -- no one says it is. All we want is to try for ourselves, not having society’s attitude predetermine our expectations. As women in foreign policy, we need to be able to share our experiences, fears and concerns without being labelled anything.  

We should be the norm rather than the exception. Society’s attitude is slowly (but surely!) changing. Look at New Zealand, where Jacinda Ardern has just won her second term in office while being a wife and a happy mum of a toddler. Or the European Union which has Ursula von der Leyen as the president of the European Commission and Christine Lagarde as president of the European Central Bank. Women can hold important roles in foreign policy and still have balanced and happy family lives. 

We need to keep the conversation going, to encourage women dealing with similar issues to share their concerns. I bet we have a lot to learn from them.

Edited by Ashvini Rae and Lauren Matthews

Published 14th December 2020